Marriage - Partnership for Life
Marriage - Partnership for Life
“I love you”. Three words couples say on a daily basis. You didn’t start the relationship saying those words. The love developed and deepened as your relationship grew. You spent time getting to know each other; your likes and dislikes. You spent all your free time together and with each-other’s family. Then one day you both decide that it’s time for the next step. You may move in together and share a home. It’s a new and exciting experience. Then everything becomes part of a routine. Wake up, work, dinner, sleep. You may start to wonder, when did we get to this point in our relationship? Or are we just going through the motions? It’s very important to keep your relationship healthy and by doing that you will grow and evolve as a couple.
What is needed to keep a relationship healthy and long lasting? That’s a big question and it’s not a simple answer. As you may know the best things in life take the most work.
Communication
You must be willing to keep the line of communication open. Don’t just talk about the good parts of your life; but the bad ones too! If something is bothering you explain it to your partner. Discuss your feelings on what is going on within both your lives and how it makes you feel. You’d be surprised that you both feel the same way on many topics.
Time
You must make time to spend together. Remember it’s just not the amount of time you spend together but what you do together. Put away the electronics, get a sitter if possible and keep that connection alive. Take a trip alone to the store for groceries, take a day trip, see a movie you both like, view the sunset or admire the thunderstorms rolling in. Most important part of spending time with each is to be in moment together.
Respect
You are both individuals with individual likes and needs. And you need to make sure you respect each other in all aspects. Such as your hobbies, accomplishments, thoughts/ideas and what these things bring to the relationship.
Time Apart
Just as time together is important so is that individual time apart. You may use this time to chase a hobby or have a night out with a close friend. Not every moment of the relationship needs to be couples time.
Choose Your Battles And Compromise
Ask yourself “Is it worth it?” Probably not. Yes, partnership brings differences and sometimes little annoying habits. But does it always need to be a conflict? Or can you compromise and come to an agreement that benefits you both? Hint – Communication is key here.
Sex
A physical connection is just as important as a verbal or emotional one. Take the time in your busy schedules to keep that fire alive and interesting. It’s the part of the relationship that doesn’t really require much verbal interaction and more primal connection to your partner. This will lead to a stronger connection to each other.
Support
Listen to the other’s problems, dreams and desires. We all want someone to hear us, validate how we are feeling in the moment. We are stronger as a couple if we are there for each other. Give the other the strength to ask for that promotion, make that complaint to HR, return to school or change career paths.
No Anger - Just Love
Don’t let anger cloud your love for one another. Use the skills listed here to work it out. And remember while you are amid this anger that at some time you loved each other. Do you still have that love? I bet you do but you are too much involved in the moment. Step back and take a breath. And don’t allow that anger to let you make rash choices or say something you can’t take back. You can always apologize for what you said, but you can’t take away the way those words made your spouse feel.
No Comparison
Don’t compare your life/relationship to others. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side as the picture they paint may be of poor quality. Some people make it seem that they are standing on a good foundation – home, family, work or school; however, that foundation could be unstable in some spots and the energy used to keep up the appearance of good requires more energy than you realize.
Trust
Do you trust each other? Never give a reason to not be trusted. This is one of the most important parts of your relationship’s foundation. Don’t make it unstable by providing your partner a reason to doubt your commitment.
Give
Take turns listening first. Compliment your partner on the little things. Such as them never forgetting to take out the trash. Or for picking up the milk on the way home even though you know they had a rough day. Cuddle more. Sometimes you can convey your love by a simple hug. And ask for their opinions and involve them in day to day tasks.
Listen
Really listen to each other. Take the time to repeat what they said to you to show you understood their words. Don’t offer a solution unless they ask for it. And don’t down play what they are talking about or try to “one up” them with a story of your own. You’ll get your turn to vent. Don’t interrupt while they are speaking and put your phone down.
Lastly, share with each other your life plan and build one together. Take the time to discuss the progress you have made together and what you want to accomplish. Set goals – short and long term. And how you will accomplish each goal. And explain why each goal is important to both of you. Maybe you want to go back to school or change careers. Or starting a family is important to you both. Whatever it is, do it together. Strong healthy relationship requires a commitment of 100% from both people. It’s not 50/50 it’s 100/100 – you must put it all in to make this thing we call love last.
If you are interested in learning more about how counseling can help you as a couple, reach out to me so I can help you through whatever life transitions season you are going through.
Side-note: This blog isn’t about putting people down who chose a different life path, it’s rather to highlight the benefits of marriage or a life-long romantic relationship for people who chose to have a partner. There are many people who chose a different life path and are completely happy and content with their lives without having a partner.
